Growing....up i guess.

Do you ever wonder how some people get so more lost then others? Lost in alcohol, drugs, money, hate, anger...i mean the list goes on. It is almost like once you dive in there is oil poured on top of the water and a fire it lit. Forever drowning. How do such awful things have such an impact on us? What makes us so unable to say no? To say...I am so much better than what I am doing.

How do we lose sight in the things that really matter? Like the ability to laugh, or love. Being able to look and find comfort in one person? or that one outlet that you have? I do not even call myself perfect. I am farther from perfect then anyone could be, but I would like to think that I learn from my mistakes. I try to make the best decision I can make at that time.

When is enough, enough? When do we walk away from someone that is "unhelpable"? How do we determine who is unhelpable? I have heard that in a time of need is when you need to show people that they matter, but what if you can't handle them? What if walking away is your last resort? How do we make these decisions? When is it over?

Walk for Cures...

I don't think I have ever really thought about how many amazing things happen and are given to me everyday. I have an amazing set of friends that are always here for me whether I want them to be or not, a great family who is not always functional but a dang good time, and many of my own great qualities. Life is good.

Today, I walked for children with cancer. It had an amazing turn out, and even my hero Herky the Hawkeye was there (not to mention there was no cyclone). The little boy we went to support, Will Krueger, is such an amazing kid. He is reason alone to do something selfless for one morning. With every smile I feel like he says a thousand words. He has amazing strength, that I wish I even had half of. Days like today just put me in my place, and open my heart to those who really need help. Will, thank you for being such a light in my life and such an inspiring person. I love you and am going to try to help as much as possible.

Either Change....or Be Changed

Things just come at you all the time...and you either can embrace the change or have it completely take over you. Dk just found out yesterday that his body doesn't digest wheat. I made an executive decision that I am going to try to stop eating it too, so I can be more of a help than a burdon. I mean I love bread more than anything, but I am going to do this for him.

I feel like so much is going on all the time. Next Saturday we are having a girls night and I couldn't be more excited. Except Mary won't be there which makes me sad. I know she is with me everyday, but sometimes it't just not enough. I wish she was just a block away, and I wish she would just move home. I know she can't. I respect her for what she is doing. I am just being selfish. Ever since she left, I just feel like a little part of me died. It sucks. But best friends for life...right! I have the best friends in the world and I know that. Always room for more :)

never be too sure

In this day and age, it is almost too easy to let life get in your way. Honestly, I am that person most of the time. I let myself get wrapped up in the drama of work, friends, family....I mean whatever it is I get sucked right in. If that doesn't get me, my busy schedule gets me down. Yesterday my eyes were opened by the one person who opens them everytime, DK.

I am so lucky that I can afford to go to school, and that I have a job. I have the best friends on the freaking planet, and an amazing boyfriend that I could throw a mountain in front of and he would climb it to help me. I take these things for granted everyday when I feel depressed or sad. I got a slap across the face to make me realize that I need to play the game as a team and not an individual. Selfish, being unkind, over analizing, and angry just get in the way of living the way we are supposed to. Never be too sure someone will always be there, never be too sure that you're right, never be too sure that God isn't trying to teach you something. Just be sure you are giving a 100%, and be sure that you are playing the game of life with your heart and not your head.

woops! 2010 here we come 18 days late....

I can not believe that it is 2010...the past few years have flown by. I have started school again and grown up a lot, made some awesome new friends, and made some really difficult descions. Life has a way of moving on whether you want to it to or not...

The descions that you are forced to make sometimes determine how the rest of your life is going to go. However...lately I have realized that relationships are work. ALL OF THEM. I have a very hard time not arguing with people but a wise person said to me once that " you shouldn't fight with an idiot because then their are two." Needless to say that she was right. This year I have decided that I want to be more aware of how other people think whether I agree or disagree. I also want to loose some weight. So far I have started eating a lot better and have stopped drinking soda. It feels good. I also would like to stop focusing on the negitive all the time and focus on the positive. I have the ability to get sucked into the drama without even knowing. I just want to be done with that. Time to grow up right??

Deleted

Today I went ahead and did something I honestly thought would never happen. I deleted my facebook account. I know it sounds like something minor to most people however, I think my life somewhat revolved around that dumb thing. I mean think about it...if you are on facebook, more than likey you facebook stalk more that once a week, maybe even more than once a day. I don't feel the need to keep my "friends" up to date with what is going on with my life. If you are my friend more than likely you are in the pictures and are in the activites that I talk about. Why should I be providing people with ammunition to spread lies about me and my friends? The littlest misread comment and the next thing I know I am pregnant. PLUS, why is it any of my business how my "friends" are throwing their lives away? Facebook in the long run lately has been making me more mad than anything else. STUPID. So...for now dueces facebook.

16 and Prego

I want to start a charity. To me there is something not right about turning on a talk show and they have 14-18 year old girls who want to have children. CHILDREN ARE NOT A JOKE. Having a child, as dumb as it sounds, is a life commitment. How do these people not think about their choices? How do you not realize that you are about to be responsible for someone else?

I work in a daycare. I love those kids to death. However it makes me realize that some "adults" at 30+ are NOT ready to have children, so what would ever make me think that someone that is 16 is ready? I want to be able to give these kids a place to go to talk to someone because if they can't talk to their parents then no one is probably talking to them. A child is a full time job, and you can't just decide you don't want to go sometimes. I know that I am preaching to the choir on this, but I want to help these girls. I want to be able to show them that you have to be selfless, honest, and be in love with this baby.

I can not change the whole world, but I can start right here in Des Moines. I can not speak for every 16 year old out there, and I can not speak from expierence. But I can tell you that I want to help. I want to listen, and I want to understand. I guess maybe I can't show people everything that they need to know, but I can let these girls be the kids that they are. If they are pregnant, I want to help. I don't have all the money in the world, but all you need is love. Right?